Joel imitates Craig Ferguson ♠

Always. A. Reblog.

(Source: junlips)

whooshincomesthehair:

The Paul McCartney joke explained…to the staff

I learned
… That baguettes are a wonderful complement to the French culinary experience. And that they’re also pretty great back-scratchers.
… That it’s a myth mimes never speak. They have plenty to say after a 
swift kick to the nuts.
… That Paris is the second most romantic city in the world. The most romantic is Tallahassee, because it has the word assin it.
… That Paris is less than 700 miles away from the Cumbernauld, my hometown. Nobody tells you that growing up. If they did, Cumbernauld would be empty.
… That you can spend a whole week in Paris and only see a tiny fraction of the major sights. But that’s because my hotel had “free HBO.”
… That you can enjoy a delightful meal at Tour D’Argent with Kristen Bell and Jean Reno, and still skip out early to avoid picking up the check.
… That even though I missed seeing the Tour de France, no one could stop me from wearing bicycle shorts the whole time.
… That if anyone ever suggests it’s a great idea to tape a week of shows in the bustling capital of a non-English-speaking country where no one’s ever heard of you, they are wrong. Very, very wrong.

(Source: popculturebrain)

Neil: This one, I’m very excited by. It’s a rabbit cause I’m a magician and I like magic. This one’s a pineapple because I like pina coladas. This one’s a dolphin because I love dolphins. And this one’s a rooster because I love—
Craig: —AAY! Neil Patrick Harris everyone! 

(Source: chrispaulfer)

Craig: No, you can’t be my sidekick.
Kristen: Why not?!
Craig: You’re too cute. Everyone would watch you instead of me.
Kristen: I could totally do it!
Craig: You could not totally do it!
Kristen: I have more than 8 catchphrases!

I blame 0penhearts for sucking me into the world of Craig/Kristen. LIFE WAS SO MUCH SIMPLER BEFORE THIS HAPPENED.

Dear Justin Bieber,

(I’m trying to write a letter, excuse me!) I really like your hair. It’s combed forward, in the style of the Emperor Nero. Also, I believe Caligula also combed his hair forward like that. I wonder if you know who Caligula is? Caligula was a mad Roman emperor. He only was emporer-ing for a couple of years. He took over from Tiberius, who was a mad old bastard. Anyway, Caligula made his horse a senator. Doesn’t that sound stupid?… Actually, not so much anymore…

Anyway, Justin Bieber, I just wanted to say (turn it over) I just wanted to say I think you’re fabulous with that song you do about… love. You know, that song you sing where, you know, you… like things. That’s my favorite. Anyway, I just wanted to warn you, anyways, because a friend of mine is a chap by the name of Danny Bonaduce, he’s a lovely man, Danny, he’s got a lot of tattoos, he’s a bit crazy, and he loves steroids, but Danny was a big star when he was sixteen years old. (‘Scuse me, can I get a bit of quiet to write my letter?) Anyway, some things happened in between, you know, because everyone liked him because he used to comb his hair forward as well. 

I’ll tell you one thing: Don’t ever marry a prostitute… twice. (Can I—Wait! Don’t!) Sorry, I’m sorry for that noise in the letter, Justin Bieber, the audience won’t let me finish my (‘Oh la la!’) letter!

Anyway, the main thrust of this is just to say, I’m very concerned that a young man like you is getting all this love and attention whereas an old bastard like me is getting next to nothing. [Scratches it out] No, what I meant to say is, be very careful, young fella, because, well, I don’t want to seem bitter or jaded, but there are some people in showbusiness who aren’t very nice. And most of them are called ‘agents’ and ‘lawyers.’

Yours,

TV’s Craig Ferguson

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson - 03 June 2010

For my sister Kara, who became a Craigyferg fan after seeing this clip.